


Right in front of my salad?!

by Stilienski



Series: Sterek ficlets [21]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Domestic, M/M, Scott is a Failwolf, Sterek Week 2017, butt stuff, sterekscenestealer3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 02:27:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12496516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stilienski/pseuds/Stilienski
Summary: Stiles can't be held accountable for anything he does when he finds Derek cooking wearing only his special boxers.





	Right in front of my salad?!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JungleJelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JungleJelly/gifts).



> I know the scene stealer prompt for Sterek week said to put Sterek in any scene from a book/movie/tv show, but I'm submitting this under the rock solid defense of "pornos are movies too!" 
> 
> So yes, this happened....
> 
> Thanks [Lonaargh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonaargh/pseuds/Lonaargh) for the beta <3

You know what wasn’t fair? Derek. Derek was not fair at all. He didn’t even give Stiles a chance. Stiles had homework okay? He had things to do! His midterm exams were coming up and he was already behind on his studying schedule. And Deaton also expected him to practice every single day for at least an hour or two.

He didn’t have time for this! No matter how much he wanted to be distracted by Derek right now, he so didn’t have the time!

But how was he supposed to say no to Derek who was cooking? Domestic God Derek Hale was Stiles’ worst weakness. It wasn’t fair that Derek would exploit his weaknesses like that! Because studying! And magic practice!

So instead of kissing Derek hello, Stiles glared at him from the other side of the kitchen counter. “Would it kill you to put some clothes on for once?” He grabbed an apple from the fruit basket and bit into it viciously, just to piss Derek off. Stiles was a grown ass man. He dared anyone to give him the ‘save your appetite’ speech.

“You know Jamie Oliver, the naked chef himself, warned everyone off from cooking in the nude, right? Maybe you couldn’t understand him with his British accent so I’ll just tell you again: he nearly burned his dick off.” Derek just rolled his eyes.

“I’m wearing boxers and an apron, Stiles.”

“Yeah well, just so you know, I am not kissing your burned dick better.”

Derek shrugged and Stiles was just about to save himself and his homework by just moving along to the living room, but then Derek just had to turn around to face the stove.

Stiles moaned, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Derek was wearing the pants Stiles gave him as a gag gift on Valentine’s. (Believe him, there was a lot of gagging involved that day). They were a tight fit, plain black, with “Stiles’ batcave” written on the back. There even was an arrow underneath with helpful “enter here” instructions.

“Midterms start in a week, Derek! I’m trying to graduate early so we can go on that tour of the world you’ve been wanting to go on since forever! I need to study!”

“I’m not stopping you,” Derek answered with that stupid smirk on his face.

“I hate you.” But they both knew Derek had won when Stiles dropped his backpack on the floor and rounded the counter to put a filthy kiss on Derek’s lips. “I hate you so much!”

What Stiles didn’t hate at all was that they had a healthy amount of lube stashed away in every room of their apartment. Sure, Isaac had been pissed when the pink tube of “jelly” had given him a mouthful of strawberry flavoured lube instead of jam, but really that was his own fault. Stiles had told Derek’s betas too many times not to drink anything straight from the bottle and stop eating Nutella from the jar and squirting whipped cream directly into their mouths.

It didn’t take long before Stiles had his dick out of his pants and had shoved Derek’s boxers down just past his ridiculously bouncy butt. Just as he’d slowly pushed in all the way, Derek’s back flush against Stiles’ chest, Stiles heard the door open. Instead of pulling out like a normal person, he froze in position, he couldn’t even take his lips from Derek’s neck. And suddenly Scott was standing in front of them with the biggest fucking grin on his face.

“Hey guys! Mind if I have my dinner here? The canteen was closed on campus and I didn’t feel like pissing off the librarian again.” This wasn’t anything unusual exactly, Scott came to eat his own lunch or dinner at their flat fairly regularly. Derek always got pissed that Scott spent so much money on prepared meals when he could just enjoy Derek’s cooking instead.

It’s just that when this usually happened, Stiles didn’t have his dick stuck in Derek’s ass. So he couldn’t do anything but nod his assent as Scott took a seat at the counter and put a plastic box of salad in front of him.

Stiles couldn’t believe this was happening. How was Scott just eating? How did he not notice this? He was a freaking werewolf! Why did he not smell the lube or the sex or the arrrousal? 

“Could you pass me a glass of water please?” Stiles nearly wanted to scream at Derek not to move an inch. Because movement is the last thing this situation needed. But Derek inched closer to the cupboard anyway and reached out with a very awkward bend to his arm just to fill the glass with some tap water.

All the while, Stiles was clinging to him like a koala to a tree. A very excited and pervy koala. He could barely suppress a whimper as Derek leaned back closer to him, making his dick slide deeper inside again.

“So what are you cooking up?” Scott asked, his mouth full of salad, which looked so disgusting that it could’ve been a very effective boner killer, were it not for the fact that Stiles was balls deep in the hottest person on the surface of the earth.

“Just... Just some macaroni,” Derek managed to choke out.

“Ooooh with those delicious sausages?” Scott was a werewolf for fuck’s sake. Shouldn’t he be able to smell this?

“Yeah... Lots of sausage and zucchini.” Okay Derek, why don’t you tell everyone where your mind’s at, make it more obvious why don’t you?

“Nice.” Scott nodded.

Stiles really needed to do something about this situation right the fuck now. Cause Scott would never shut up about this if he found out what was really happening at this side of the counter. All he could come up with for a plan though, was to very quickly extract his brave little spy from the dark and damp cave it had hidden in at just the right moment where the enemy was looking to the other side.

Which, as it turned out, wasn’t exactly a foolproof plan. Mainly because the damp dark cave apparently belonged to a country with fairly strict no-extraction rules and didn’t want to give the spy up.

Yeah, Derek didn’t catch onto Stiles’ plan. Instead of letting Stiles pull away, he moved with Stiles, clenching down as he did so. Stiles couldn’t hold back his moan this time. He couldn’t even cut it off. It was a torturously long and horribly obvious sound that made Scott’s head snap up with big disgusted eyes.

“Are you serious?” Scott asked once he had recovered from the initial shock. At least Stiles and Derek looked appropriately scolded. “Are you fucking? Seriously? Right in front of my salad?”

Before either of them could up with a way to respond, Scott had already stormed out of the loft. Muttering profanities until the door fell closed behind him.

“Well...” Stiles started, but couldn’t think of anything to say as they both awkwardly put their dicks away.

They tried to pretend nothing happened until they sat down for dinner. “It was totally his own fault,” Stiles said, “what kind of werewolf doesn’t smell that?!”

He expected Derek to enthusiastically agree with him about Scott’s obvious shortcomings to his werewolfihood, but instead Derek just blushed and ducked his head.

Stiles narrowed his eyes and poked Derek in the arm with his fork. “What?” He asked sharply.

“I wouldn’t blame him,” Derek started hesitantly, “our place smells like lube and sex all the time.”

“What? No! We air it out! We open windows and doors and everything!” Stiles shouted, a bit of macaroni flying away because of his wild gestures. “We... We air the place out!” He repeated since he couldn’t think of any other defense.

Derek shrugged. “That stopped working about two weeks after we moved in.”

“And you didn’t think to mention we could use some air fresheners?!”

“Why are you screaming about it like it’s a bad thing?” Derek muttered to his plate. The tips of his ears turning just as red as they’d been during that fiasco of a fuck.

“Oh my God. You love it. Of fucking course you do. Why would that surprise me?” Stiles’ voice was fond as he grabbed a hold of Derek’s hand on the table. Derek looked up to give him that small, private smile. “Just tell me one thing,” Stiles continued, “is this why Isaac thought the lube was jam?”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Hope you enjoyed the crack!
> 
> (Obviously I suck at smut, please forgive me... and maybe drop some kudos anyway? accidentally?)


End file.
